Y'all know of my homegirl Lauren, right? Awesome penpal and blogger extraordinaire? Anyway, since this halfterm has lacked people saying dumb funny things (although it has been a good holiday), I thought I'd share with you a few of her funny moments.
(The scene: Cyberspace and Lauren is typing up ideas for an upcoming joint birthday bash for Kate (who's blog is well worth a visit, like Lauren's), 30th March, and Ab, 31st March.)
Lauren: England is 5 hours ahead of us, so we could have this massive blowjob with a webcam and everything at 7 at night on your birthday. I'm pretty sure that would work if Ab could stay up long enough.
Lauren: (re-reading after sending): Oh, damn!!! I meant blowout!!! Blowout, blowout, blowout!!!!!!!
Kate: Oh my gosh!!!! I just about pissed myself from laughing! Literally on the floor laughing. That made my night! Plus, my phone only sends me samples of messages when it tells me I have one and I got "we could have this massive blowjob". That was amazing!!!
Lauren: That's probably the most mortifying thing I have ever said and will ever say to anyone.
(The scene: Cyberspace another night, 5am GMT. Lauren is struggling to remember the password to her email account.)
Lauren: I know it was important to me and I know it had something to do with you but I can't remember the rest.
Ab: Phone then? (It was previously discussed that if Lauren forgot the password then they'd talk on the phone and have it remembered)
Lauren: Not my home one.
Ab: You can call me. Number will email you.
Lauren: Great. Let me just get into the email I can't remember the password to. *Sarcasm*
Ab: Oh yeah... I just sent it as well. For a smart person, sometimes not so much.
(The scene: Ab and Lauren are discussing how they are going to ruin their first times, assuming they get the chance to ruin them.)
Lauren: I'd say something awkward and kill the mood. It'd probably be something the other person could never recover from either like, "You smell like my mom" and then there would be intense therapy sessions for all involved.
(Also Lauren has Magic Boobs that act as black holes for possessions or produce stuff. Freaky stuff. The following show this skill.)
Lauren: Somehow my phone has disappeared.
(Pause)
Lauren: Never mind, I found it lodged between my bosoms. I don't know how it got there and I don't feel like questioning.
Lauren: I just took off my shirt and found a dollar in my cleavage. I have no clue how it got there. I had on a crew neck guy's T-shirt and a zip-up hoodie. There's no way I could have missed someone's hand going down my shirt and tucking a dollar bill in there.
That was a long post for you lovely readers as a sorry for not posting for a while. I'd like to take this oppotunity to thank the people who recently joined the facebook page for this blog too (www.facebook.com/fivepasttomorrow) as it's great that you enjoy reading. Peace!
2 comments:
Probably not the most mortifying she'll ever say, but that's a good one.
I should check to see if that list of hilarious statements is still intact somewhere...
You should deffinitely check, and send it to me if you find it!
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